Goddess Second Class meets the 'Cat From Hell'
by Peter
Summary: Ch 1-5 complete - SI with a strange twist.


Well, here it goes. . .my first OMG story.  
  
Purely for amusement and Urd's embarrassment.  
  
I figure. . .why not.  
  
Goddess, Second Class meets Cat From Hell (Figuratively, not literally)  
  
Peter Withers  
  
All goddesses, gods, demons are not mine, only the cat, which is based mainly on   
the. . .well. . .quirks of several real cats I've had the so-called pleasure of   
encountering. I don't know how well this will seem, but no one take offense. I   
haven't had the time to watch many episodes of OMG.  
  
This is self-insertion (Bow head in shame). The 'real' world is used in crossing   
with OMG, but the character (me) from there isn't the main one. I hope.  
  
  
  
  
_____________________________  
  
  
  
Ch1 (Intro theme music for Cat from Hell)  
  
  
  
I relaxed back into the only decent chair in my apartment and contemplated the   
sweetly purring ball of fur in my lap. My neighbor had given me thirty bucks and   
food (cat and human) for taking care of their cat for the extended weekend. I   
figured, why not, it is money and food. But some difficulties had arisen over   
the time and I felt I couldn't take care of the cat anymore.   
  
  
  
But I had decided to order some Chinese delivery first before I found out   
whether anyone else could take care of the cat for the rest of the weekend. I   
must've pressed the wrong buttons because I got a voice that said, "Goddess   
Relief Office."  
  
  
  
I wasn't quick on the uptake, "Yes, I'll have the moo. . .wait a minute, what   
did you say."  
  
  
  
"This is the Goddess Relief Office. We'll have a consultant out there in a   
moment." The voice was replaced by some music, which wasn't bad. I hung up the   
phone quickly though.   
  
  
  
(Nah, it couldn't be.) The fanfic writer thought to himself. (But it sounded   
like. . .probably just my imagination.)  
  
  
  
"I wouldn't bet on it." A voice came from the area of the T.V. Or rather, in the   
T.V. I saw a beautiful woman apparently standing there in the screen.  
  
  
  
(It's got to be the program.)  
  
  
  
"Would you give me a hand here." The person in the television said, apparently   
mildly irritated. I shrugged and grasped the hand that had pushed out of the   
screen and 'pulled' the rather shapely woman out of the t.v. At that moment, I   
was thinking it had to be a dream because this was Urd who I just pulled out of   
the television. Problem with my dream theory was that the fact I hadn't gotten   
around to watching OMG yet because of all those Ranma, Tenchi Muyo!, and BGC   
tapes I had rented first.   
  
  
  
  
"This isn't a dream and I am Urd, goddess second class. You should know that   
you've got one wish."  
  
  
  
"Really."  
  
  
  
"Really."   
  
  
  
I sat back down and thought about it for a moment as the cat jumped into my lap.   
It would be kind of neat to find out what being a god was like. Think of all the   
fanfic possibilities that could occur with. . . .  
  
  
  
"No you don't. Don't you dare wish for that. You fanfic writers are all the same   
in thinking that it is easy for a mortal to be trained as a god or goddess."  
  
  
  
  
"It isn't? But I'd think that at least some of us. . ."  
  
  
  
  
"Very few who make that kind of wish. You people are so difficult to teach. I   
swear..."   
  
  
  
  
"But I'd think _you_ could teach one of use your type of job quite easily." I   
figured, lay on the flattery.  
  
  
  
  
"You'd think so, wouldn't you. But you all are so difficult in convincing to do   
something." She pointed rather dramatically at my lap warmer, "That cat would be   
easier to teach than you."   
  
  
  
  
The calico patched cat looked up in question at the goddess as I took offense.   
"You think that cat would be easier to teach godhood to than a person." I   
gritted my teeth in irritation.  
  
  
  
  
Urd looked a bit smug, "I would much rather try to teach the cat to be a god   
than one of you fanfic writers."  
  
  
  
  
I should note that sometimes I tend to speak without thinking about the words   
first. I blurted out angrily and without thought, "Damn it, I wish you would   
just to prove me right!" The room lighted up quite nicely in an array of special   
effects that would cost plenty in a movie.   
  
  
  
  
"Wish granted." Urd looked rather sickly.  
  
  
  
  
I took that opportunity to faint.  
  
  
  
  
Some time later I woke up. (Maybe it was all a dream.) I looked at a note on the   
table.  
  
  
  
  
Peter,  
  
If you don't mind, I've taken the cat to be trained as a goddess. I'll take care   
of her and prove it is easier to deal with than you and any other fanfic writer.  
  
Sincerely,   
Urd, Goddess Second Class  
  
  
  
  
  
(Nope, not a dream.) I thought of this with some fear as the message sank in.   
One was that my neighbor wouldn't be happy at me losing her cat. The other was   
the thought of _that_ cat as a goddess. The fear toward that turned to humor. I   
started chuckling and then full out laughing at the images of that kept   
occuring.  
  
  
  
  
Zoom out, current condition of room Peter was in. Show shredded furniture,   
wood sidings, chairs, rugs, clothing with signs of destruction. Even the steel   
fridge showed gouges in it.   
  
  
  
  
I stopped laughing for a second and gasped for air, (Urd, you made a big mistake   
in getting that wish. Hope you enjoy the Cat From Hell)  
  
  
  
  
End Ch. 1  
  
  
  
Begin Ch. 2 (Cat from Hell in Japan)  
  
  
  
At the Goddess' temple in Japan, daytime.   
  
  
  
  
The unattended television flashed briefly as Urd, cat in hand, came out of it.   
She placed the wiggling animal on the ground and went to the phone for a call to   
Kami-sama. She knew that this couldn't be right.   
  
  
  
  
The cat sat on it's haunches for a minute then walked into the kitchen where a   
lovely young woman was preparing some sort of food. She decided on the indirect   
approach even though the person seemed quite friendly. A gentle rub against the   
person's leg got her attention.  
  
  
  
  
"Well, what's a lovely kitty like you doing here." Belldandy gently stroked the   
cat, which responded with a loving purr. The goddess noticed the faint blue   
markings on each side of the cat's face. "This is strange, I didn't think that   
there were any cat goddess' around on Midgard these days."  
  
  
  
  
The cat meowed at the goddess and shifted her head from looking at the young   
woman to looking at the food. Belldandy got a small piece of meat that   
immediately brought her into the cat's closest circle of friends. Urd came into   
the kitchen to find her sister playing with the cat.  
  
  
  
  
"Urd, was someone's wish to become a cat goddess?"  
  
  
  
  
"Not quite, I was supposed to give the wish to a fanfic Writer." She gave a   
faint groan. "The Writer's first thought was to find out what being a god was   
like by being one. I attempted to stop him by telling him he wouldn't the right   
person for the job, and mentioned the cat would be better to teach. Then he   
said, 'I wish you would just to prove me right!'"  
  
  
  
  
Belldandy gave a faint smile, "So this darling little girl is a goddess now."  
  
  
  
  
"Yes, I even checked with Kami-sama. I think he was laughing while he told me I   
had to teach her."  
  
  
  
The cat was getting board to the lack of food and attention so she wandered off   
quickly. She liked Belladandy but there was just something about this 'Urd' that   
she didn't like at all. (Maybe the male-human is here.) The cat heard tapping of   
keys and slipped into the room where a girl was working on a computer.   
  
  
  
  
"Meow." The girl jumped up and spun in her chair mallet in hand. The cat dodged   
to the right in a bit of fright.  
  
  
  
  
"What the. . ." Skuld was naturally a bit curious.  
  
  
  
  
"Meow." The cat decided maybe this girl deserved a second chance.   
  
  
  
  
"Hey, did Keiichi get you."  
  
  
  
  
"Meow" (Who is this 'Keiichi'?) The cat considered. (Could he mean more food?)  
  
  
  
  
Skuld scooped up the cat and placed her on an empty space near the computer. The   
cat stared at the computer for a minute. (Come on, the male-human could do it,   
so can I.) The cat look at the keys, which to her were incomprensible. Then   
something flashed to the cat and she understood almost clearly.   
  
  
  
  
- Click - G  
  
- Click - R  
  
- Click - E  
  
- Click - E  
  
- Click - T  
  
- Click - I  
  
- Click - N  
  
- Click - G  
  
- Click - S  
  
  
  
[ Naturally cats, unlike dogs, are quite formal creatures but unfortunately slow   
typists.]  
  
  
  
  
Skuld stared at the screen in shock, then at the cat, then at the screen again.  
  
  
  
"Er. . .hi."  
  
  
  
-W H O A R E Y O U-  
  
  
  
"I'm Skuld, goddess of the future, one of the Norns."  
  
  
  
-/- [At this point one should realize that while the cat knew the letter keys,   
the shift key was a bit beyond the cat's ability to use. Also the CAPS locks was   
on at the time.]  
  
  
  
  
At Skuld's look of puzzlement, the cat typed the same key again.  
  
  
  
She shouted out the opening in the room, "Urd, there's a cat typing on my   
computer, do you have anything to do with it?" Skuld tried to puzzle out what   
was wrong as the cat typed the / again.  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, I see. You see. . ." After a while one got use to the strange things that   
have occured. Having the history of the universe explained to a four kilogram   
cat was just one of them.   
  
  
  
  
Urd walked in, "There you are. Skuld what were you doing to her?"  
  
  
  
"What was I doing with her. What are you doing with her?"  
  
  
  
  
"She's my new trainee."  
  
  
  
  
Skuld looked at the cat, then Urd, then the cat again. Then she burst out   
laughing. "I can't believe this. You training a cat to be a . . .goddess." She   
dropped down the floor laughing.  
  
  
  
  
"This isn't funny. An idiotic fanfic writer accidently wished for this and   
Kami-sama is backing the wish up. I can't believe this is happening to me. When   
I get a hold of that writer I'm going to . . ."  
  
  
  
  
- Peter jerked up as though he had the feeling someone was planning to walk on   
his grave, after they put him in it. Thinking back, he realized there might be   
others who'd want to do that him, but only one who was a goddess that would give   
him that particular feeling. He quickly packed a bag and made plans to go on a   
long vacation. -  
  
  
  
End Ch2  
  
  
Ch3 (The training of a Cat Goddess.)  
  
  
  
  
"No, don't knock that over that!" Urd shouted out frantically.   
  
  
  
BOOM!  
  
  
  
The house rattled with the force of the explosion. Keiichi wandered inside and   
saw Belldandy there, covering a smile with her hand.  
  
  
  
  
"What is Urd working on? Another love potion?"  
  
  
  
  
"No, but I'd say she's having a few problems with her new trainee."  
  
  
  
"So who is she?"  
  
  
  
  
"Patches."  
  
  
  
  
"That's a rather strange name for someone."  
  
  
  
  
"Meow." Patches lept up on the table and began rubbing Keiichi's hand. Except   
for a bit of her fur being slightly singed and having a not unpleasant odor   
coming for her, the cat was unharmed.   
  
  
  
  
"Keiichi, meet Patches." Keiichi was rather surprised.  
  
  
  
  
Urd comes into the kitchen and looked quite unhappy at the cat in question.   
Patches took one look at the goddess and jumped down the drain of the sink,   
disappearing instantly. Urd sighed and sat down. She was somewhat more singed   
and mussed up than Patches was, strange considering how she was further from the   
explosion than the cat. A less than pleasant smell was coming from the goddess.   
  
  
  
  
Keiichi looked down the drain. "Where'd she go?"  
  
  
  
"Who knows. That cat can go into and out of any hole. And I'd swear that goddess   
3rd class rating Yaggasial has on her is way off."  
  
  
  
"Why don't you get ahold of someone who can help you deal with her?"  
  
  
  
  
Urd grinned as an idea came from that. "Sister you are a genius." She   
disappeared into the t.v.  
  
  
  
  
Cancun, Mexico - Peter  
  
  
After doing my equivalent of a Ryoga journey, I found myself in Mexico, Cancun   
to be exact. After I decided that Cancun was the best place to be for the time   
being, I paid for several weeks for a moderately priced motel room and enjoyed   
the beach and clubs.  
  
  
  
  
It was fair to say that I am a bit surprised when I get back to the motel room   
early in the morning. I had been enjoying the classic 'Tequila Mockingbird' and   
those little birdies were quite cute. Finding a goddess I did not want to see in   
my room didn't help my condition.  
  
  
  
  
"Damnit, I told those housekeepers _not_ to turn on the t.v. But did they   
listen, no. I knew I shouldn't have tried explain with my first year spanish." I   
dropped off into some muttering.  
  
  
  
  
"You are going to help me fix a certain problem you caused Peter."  
  
  
  
  
"And what problem would that be." I was sort of arrogant with the question. And   
more than a bit drunk.   
  
  
  
  
But that was no excuse for Urd to pick me up by my shirt and yell in my face   
while shaking me, "You know what problem you idiot!" The motion didn't help my   
stomach's delicate condition and I proceeded to pay the porcilin god's omage   
upon Urd's clothes.   
  
  
  
Then I passed out.   
  
  
  
My last thoughts were during that time, (That's no good.)  
  
  
  
  
End Ch3  
  
  
  
Begin Ch4 (Wrath of a cat)  
  
  
  
  
Patches squeezed past the closed door to find the male human who had been taking   
care of her, sleeping on the bed. An odd smell comes from his messed up clothes.   
Patches delicately jumped onto the bed, sat down about a foot from the male   
human, and waited.   
  
  
___________________________  
  
  
  
  
I woke up with several feelings. One was a severe hangover from last night's   
classic. Another was the feeling I was being stared at. I forced my eyes open to   
find a familiar cat.   
  
  
  
  
"Patches, nice to see you. Maybe this is all some sort of crazy. . ." Belldandy   
walked in, carrying a nice breakfast, ". . .dream." Patches looked at me like I   
was stupid.  
  
  
  
  
"Hi. . .Belldandy, right."  
  
  
  
  
"Hello, Peter." The amine and manga was right about her description and   
attitude. Her gentle presence made her seem so much more beautiful than her   
already heavenly appearance. Stats about this goddess seemed to crawl through my   
mind.   
  
  
  
  
"I don't suppose you could get me back to Mexico before Urd kills me." I groaned   
as another pain from the hangover hit me. "Maybe it could be considered mercy."   
  
  
  
  
I stuggled up a bit. Belldandy placed a hand on me and after a moment, I felt my   
stabbing pain subside to almost nothing. "Wow thanks." I managed a smile before   
I attacked the food Belldandy made for me.  
  
  
  
  
For my everlasting shame, the cat and I went through the food like a bunch of   
starving folk or a pair of Satomes. "That was delicious, Belldandy." I had to   
ask a question, "I'm wondering, you don't have any connections in Nemina with   
the Tendo family, would you."  
  
  
  
  
"No, why." She probably knew already.  
  
  
  
  
"Maybe you would like to visit there." An angry voice said from behind   
Belldandy. I slowly started backing up. "Or maybe a certain area in China where   
there are a few Springs you would like to take a swim in."   
  
  
  
Thoughts of 'I'm dead' and 'I'm going to die' floated through my mind.   
  
  
  
  
______________________________  
  
  
  
  
  
Patches felt the male human was in danger. The cat could see that the female   
goddess was angry at him. Patches levitated in cat fashion up to where they   
could see her and Patches hissed angrily at her. This male human had fed her   
what _she_ wanted and no one was going to stop that sort of meal ticket.  
  
  
  
  
Urd glared in surprise at the cat, which was hissing at her. An energy bolt   
formed in her hand. The cat hissed again and started glowing. Peter took the   
time while he was being ignored and quickly got out of the room. He guided   
Belldandy out along the way.  
  
  
  
  
BOOM!!  
  
  
  
  
"Take that you miserable ball of fur!"  
  
  
  
Ka-Boom!!  
  
  
  
"Meow-hiss."  
  
  
  
BOOM!!   
CRASH!!  
THUD!!  
  
  
  
  
Peter ducked as a piece of wall flew past his head. He groaned as what was left   
of his hangover kicked back in full power.  
  
  
  
  
"This is going to go on all day. I wish I could stop their fighting just for   
some peace and quiet."  
  
  
  
Urd screamed and a flash of bright light came from the room. A weak voice   
followed, "Wish granted."  
  
  
  
  
End Ch4  
  
  
Start Ch5 (Cliche OMG SI in a way)  
  
  
  
  
"What!!!" I managed to yell loud enough to shake the walls. "I'm some sort of a   
god now." I shook slightly as I tried visibly to calm down. "I thought those   
type of wishes weren't granted, Urd."  
  
  
  
  
"They aren't usually." Urd angrily glared at me as she fully woke up. "But your   
wording, like before, ended up allowing the wish to be granted."  
  
  
  
  
"One moment, I thought I already got a wish. You know, cat. . .wish. .   
.goddess."  
  
  
  
  
Urd sighed. "Kami-sama decided to allow the cat to have a wish. She wished for   
the wish to be yours."  
  
  
  
  
"I need a drink." I groaned. The cat seemed to be laughing at both of him. "Stop   
laughing cat."  
  
  
  
  
BOOM!!! From what Skuld said much later, I did a nice imitation of a Takasaki   
'shock' position on the wall I was blown against.   
  
  
  
  
In a monotone voice I said, "That hurt Patches." I fell to the floor unconsious   
and realized at that moment that being knocked was becoming a recurring theme.  
  
  
  
________________________  
  
  
  
  
  
I woke up slowly again and looked up into Belldandy's eyes again. "Deja vu."   
  
  
  
"Urd went out for a drink and left Patches here. Maybe you could be a little   
more careful around the two of them."  
  
  
  
I groaned softly, "You're right Belldandy. Though waking up to a beautiful woman   
such as yourself makes it not such a hardship." Belldandy blushed slightly. I   
wasn't lying, she was a beautiful goddess and a little flattery definately   
doesn't hurt when it's the truth.   
  
  
_______________________  
  
  
  
  
  
End Ch5  
  
  
Start Ch6 (101 uses of a cat)  
  
  
  
  
Patches watched the youngest of the Goddess sisters stalk a wierd looking rabbit   
thing with a large mallet.   
  
The thing was hopping away and she saw Skuld connect with the mallet. It   
disappeared with a flash. The cat had a flash of understanding and ran off.   
  
  
  
Skuld slammed her mallet into another of those bugs. There was several more than   
what she expected and she was getting just a bit tired.   
  
  
  
  
"Meow." She turned at the sound and stopped. There was Patches, holding down on   
one of the bugs with both of her front paws. She just got a mouthful of the bug   
and picked it up. The cat carried it over to Skuld and dropped the bug right in   
front of the goddess. She then backed away just before Skuld nailed it with her   
mallet.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Good cat. Would you like to help out?"  
  
  
  
  
"Meow. (Of course I do. Does this come with free food and a 401(k) plan?)"  
  
  
Peter glanced up from the book he was studying at the odd sounds.  
  
"MEOW-WHAM-MEOW-WHAM-MEOW-WHAM!!"  
  
He stood up and walked toward the sound. He than stopped at the sight. Patches was zooming around the room after some really fast rats? followed by Skuld, who was holding a mallet.  
  
"Never mind." Peter proceeded to leave the room, walk to the kitchen and then pound his head against the counter.   
  
  
***********  
  
A few future scenes for humor sake...  
  
_____  
  
  
"I don't think Kami-sama will like that much." Urd warned Peter just before they were to leave for Heaven.  
  
"What?" Under the jacket is a t-shirt. A farside comic with a picture of 'God', who is pressing a key on a keyboard. The Smite Key.  
  
(Neither the Farside nor the comic joke belong to me) Peter  
  
_____  
  
  
  
  
  
To be continued. . .  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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